Back at the beginning of July (2017) I decided I needed a little guidance on my life so I booked myself in to see Joanna Katherine a clairvoyant with a solid reputation that lives and works on the Sunshine Coast, Queensland Australia.  She was amazing and was defiantly worth the cost because she knew shit about me and my life that could only have been found in my head so it’s not like she Googled me to find that information.  Anyway one of the things she said to me was that I need to learn to be more me not what everyone else thinks I should be and that I need to step into my power and own it.  To help with that little peace of advice she told me to go watch the TEDTalk by Brene Brown on The Power of Vulnerability.  Mentally I rolled my eyes and went “yeah right I hate motivational speakers they always say stupid shit like – fake it till you make it or think happy to be happy”

A week later I attended a Goals Workshop held at KiKKi-K in the Sunshine Plaza given by Tara an amazingly charismatic Canadian lady who is brilliant at Motivational/Inspirational Life Coaching. Again the name Brene Brown came up as someone to view on TEDTalks for rethinking your life view and the way to get the life you want to live not the life everyone tells you that you should be living.

Two totally different women in two totally different situations both telling me to watch Brene Brown to help fully become me, was a sign from the universe even someone as skeptical of motivational speakers as I am could not ignore.  So a couple of days later I got my coffee, my M&Ms, my laptop, a comfy place to sit and settled in expecting to be bored out of my mind by some stick thin, clean living, gym junky, bubbly bouncy and totally fake “LIFE GURU” tell me yet again that me as me is just not perfect enough but I can be if I follow x,y,z program to the letter. I told you I was a to the bone skeptic of people handing out advice on how to make you a better you.

Yeah going to put my hand up and admit I was totally wrong about Brene Brown and what she has to teach the world.  For a start she doesn’t teach you that you need improving she teaches you that you are fine just as you are and you are enough.  That being imperfect is actually better because you learn to lose the guilt, stress and anxiety that the need to always be perfect brings with it.  She also teaches you to rethink the concept of Vulnerability from it being a bad thing that leaves you open to attack and abuse to being and empowering emotion that lets you fully live your life your way.

I actually liked what she had to say enough to go buy 2 of her books because the TEDTalk only gave me an overview not a how-to on this whole concept of Imperfection and Vulnerability

  • Daring Greatly – how to courage to be Vulnerable Transforms the way we live, love, parent and lead
  • The Gift of Imperfection – let go of who you think you are supposed to be and embrace who you are

The Gift of Imperfection is not a big book thus I read it first and it was like getting hit with an emotional-mental wrecking ball.

WHY??

I have spent my entire life attempting to pass as neurotypical by being perfectly…….

  • Perfectly nice
  • Perfectly well behaved
  • Perfectly polite
  • Perfectly average
  • Perfectly dressed for the occasion
  • Perfectly INVISIBLE

and here was someone telling me it is 100% ok to be IMPERFECT and that I’d be way happier, healthier and balanced if I stop trying to be perfectly…….. and just let the world see the Imperfect ME!

I’m still working on allowing myself to be Imperfect and admitting I’m human, I make mistakes, I get stressed, I’m not particularly sociable, I dress for comfort, I’m autistic and I’m never ever going to walk, talk, think, behave or be a neurotypical women.  I’ve spent from the time I started school at the age of 4¾ attempting to be something I’m not and it has been physically exhausting, emotionally draining, mentally harmful and soul destroying.

So my new mantra is

  • I am AUTISTIC
  • I am IMPERFECT
  • I am ENOUGH

As for the whole allowing yourself to be Vulnerable – yeah I’ll get back to you on that one after I figure out how to dismantle the hermetically sealed bomb proof container that lets nothing in and nothing out I built around my heart a long long time ago.

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