Valentine’s Day is probably the one and only commercialised gift giving day of the year that genuinely makes me grind my teeth and want scream in rage.  It has nothing to do with the fact I’m single or that it seems purpose built to rub salt into the wounds of the terminally single.

What drives me crazy is two thing

  1. On every social media outlet you get bombarded with the “Love Is……” quotes, which I firmly believe a psychologically damaging
  2. The social message shoved in our faces is that if you are not part of a committed relationship then somehow you aren’t really happy, you’re incomplete and evidently there is something about you that is defective which make you “unlovable”

So why do the love quotes drive me crazy?

90% of them tell you that you are deep down not happy and are somehow incomplete because you haven’t found that one and only “soulmate”, for example:

  • There is only one happiness in this life, to love and be loved
  • Love is our true destiny. We do not find the meaning of life by ourselves alone we find it with another.
  • I really believe that you are the greatest thing that has every happened to me.
  • A soulmate is someone who will make you the most “you” that you can possibly be.
  • Happiness is finding your soulmate after going in circles of years.
  • Love isn’t finding someone you can live with it’s finding someone you can not live without
  • I am now complete as you are my missing puzzle piece
  • You are the smile on my face and the beat of my heart
  • “true love is finding the person who has the  missing peace of your soul” (I actually find that statement creepy because for someone to have part of your soul would mean you gave it away to start with and as far as I know only Lucifer has the power to accept souls as payment so the person he then sold it to is probably not someone you want in your life)

People are going to say “oh you cherry picked the worst ones just to prove your point” and to some extent I probably did.  However if you sat all your friends & family down in a room and said to them “define what love is”, a solid proportion of them would give you a quote like the above.

Recently a close friend asked me what I think love is and I said:

  • Someone who understands I need my personal space
  • Someone who has their own life and interests
  • Someone who rather than saying “I love you” or buying shit I don’t need shows me they care by doing things like cleaning up after they cook because they know an unclean kitchen drives me crazy
  • Someone who I can spend  quiet time with who doesn’t need constant noise or chatter
  • Someone I can depend on to be there when I need them to be there
  • Someone to hold me and make me feel safe when I’m exhausted, scared, stressed and tired
  • Someone to travel with who doesn’t expect me to make all the decisions
  • Someone I can talk to about anything
  • Someone to create those moments that creates good memories and dumb quotes that will make you both smile
  • Someone who likes me just as I am

Her response was “that’s not love, that’s a checklist for a good housemate”, to some extent she is correct but then again if you truely love someone and want to spend the rest of your life with them then being able to live with them is a huge part of the package.

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