Anyone who has read my other two blogs one about my attempts at finding Mr Right and one about my solo travels will know I go through periods of writing/publishing massive amounts of information and then nothing for ages. So why add the stress of yet another blog to maintain to my ever growing list of stuff that needs doing?
- My other blogs have specific purposes and I don’t feel they are the place to publish my views, opinions and what not on mental health
- As I travel down the path of diagnosis, therapy, medication, changes to diagnosis and so on I find myself wanting to share my journey and hopefully connect with other and maybe be the OMG it’s not just me moment for someone else.
- I find writing cathartic and oddly it’s a good measure of how I’m coping. I find when I’m depressed/anxious or struggling with reactions to medication I literally can’t write so blogging about it will help me track those moments.
In case anyone is wondering yes I’ve been bat shit crazy for my entire life but up until the beginning of 2016 I did all the classic life destroying avoidance techniques that a lot of mentally ill people do:
- self medicated with painkillers and alcohol,
- moved jobs/locations every 6 to 18 months,
- switched doctors frequently,
- avoided making close relationships of any type
- took employment contracts with heavy work and stress loads
- ignored any form of ill health or injury till it was bad enough to nearly kill me
- got into credit card debit and constantly mismanaged money
- made serious life changing decisions on a whim with zero thought to consequences
- filled my every waking moment with something – exercise, university classes, language classes, planning travel
- down time/holidays were taken as rarely as possibly and when they did get taken they were filled to the brim with stuff to do so there was no time I wasn’t busy
- convinced myself that insomnia was normal and just gave me more hours to do thing
- booked back to back appointments or events so I was never not busy
- absorbed all the negative comments ever directed at me and internalised it